Disorder Revisited
by Motherofmytwo
Summary: What I believe could have happened.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first story.

CBS owns all characters

Three days.

That's how long he had to wait.

Three more lousy days.

Then Christmas vacation would be over and he would have his answer. He wasn't exactly in love with her, maybe someday, but now he just wanted to find out if the trust they had built over the weeks was still there.

He loved bantering with her. She was an excellent partner and was willing to go along with whatever she had to do to get the job done. They both had been through so much together in the last weeks, especially her with the Russians, the lasers, the explosion and Talbot. But it had all seemed to melt away Christmas Eve night. He still smiled when he thought about the night at the homeless shelter.

He had never seen her so carefree and willing to go along with something he had proposed. No one would have known that hours earlier she had been hit in the head and killed a man. She had smiled when she realized who Deeks' date had been and she good naturedly had put on the Santa hat

He had driven her home afterwards. He had come in for her traditional ice-cream and beer. He had to agree that it was a tradition that he might even keep. They had talked into the night and into the early morning and wished each other a Merry Christmas. Kensi stated she needed to call it a night and wanted to take their vacation time and do nothing but sleep and relax.

Now he was here. And it would only be three more days.

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	2. Chapter 2

This is my first story.

CBS owns all characters

Monday saw the team gathering early in the morning. Sam and Callen were ribbing each other about their respective vacations. So when Deeks came in 15 minutes late the boys started teasing and mocking him.

Deeks was really surprised when he didn't see Kensi anywhere. He was excited to see her today and she wasn't even there so far.

Sam and Callen became all business though after Hetty came out of no where, "Deeks, I expect my agents to be on time".

No one wanted to get on the wrong side of Hetty. She appreciated a good ribbing like the rest of them, but they knew when it was time to be serious. Unfortunately for Deeks, he didn't.

"And speaking of being late, can someone answer me why Ms Blye is late?"

Laughingly Deeks stated that "she might need a vacation from all the sleeping and relaxing she had been doing".

Hetty just stared at him. Didn't he know when to keep his mouth shut? Obviously, he would need a talking too privately.

Thankfully, the terrorists had decided to take a vacation during the holidays as well, so there were no new cases. Hetty thought it would be a good time to give them a pep talk and she really did not want to repeat herself, but it couldn't be helped. She would make an all day review for Kensi when she decided to grace them with her presence.

After listening to Hetty go on for a few hours, the group was exhausted. They were hoping for some action or at least a distraction. Not even Deeks could garner any enthusiasm for cracking jokes.

"We will start again after lunch".

The group groaned. They all loved and respected Hetty, but her lectures were only endured because of who she was.

Silently Sam, Callen, Deeks and even Eric were wondering where Kensi was. But they didn't want to get her in trouble with Hetty.

"Eric, see where Agent Blye is".

They were all glad that Hetty finally asked what they were all wondering.

"I'm on it." Eric started dialing Kensi's cell. When he got no answer he tried her home phone.

"Guys I can't reach her on either line".

"Eric, eyes on her parking spot".

They all saw Kensi's silver car in its parking spot on the screen. This couldn't be good.

"When was the last time that any of you saw Kensi?" Hetty asked.

"I saw her Christmas morning in her apartment. She was fine". Deeks told her.

"Deeks, Sam and Callen go to her place and see what you can find out".

"Nell and Eric go back over all the cameras around her apartment and see if you can spot her anywhere."

Hetty was getting more and more worried. This was not normal.


	3. Chapter 3

This is my first story.

CBS owns all characters

As the guys were quickly getting their things together, Hetty popped out of no where.

"Mr. Callen, may I please speak to you privately?"

"Can't this wait?" Callen asked. But one look at Hetty's face and Callen followed her.

"I am giving you the key to Kensi's apartment. I trust you to use this wisely Mr. Callen."

"I will. Why don't you want to others to know that I have the key?"

"I don't want to worry them."

Callen saw the fear, trust and hope in her eyes.

Like a well-oiled machine, the three men got into Callen's car. Ear buds were put into ears, so communication between those in OPS and between the car-dwellers could be established.

Other than the communication they could hear going on in OPS, the car was silent. Each was left with their own thoughts. The fear was palpable. It was taking on a life of its own.

"Mr. Beale, do you see her on any cameras?" they could hear Hetty ask.

"Hetty, the last time I can find her on a camera is Christmas Eve going into her apartment. I can see Deeks leaving Christmas morning, but no Kensi."

Nell piped up, "she isn't visible on any camera after that".

To lighten the mood, Deeks tried to bring some humour into the silence.

"She probably had so much rest and relaxation that she forgot that she had to come to work today."

Callen and Sam seemed to ignore what Deeks was saying. They continued being silent until they got to Kensi's apartment.

Callen seemed to find his voice when they reached her apartment building.

He seemed to take his cue from Deeks and tried to joke. No one wanted the worst case scenarios going on in their minds to be true.

"We should knock first. Deeks is probably right. You don't want to be on the wrong side of Kensi. You know what happened last time."

Callen as senior investigator took charge of the situation and knocked on the door.

Sam asked, "how long are we going to wait for her to get to the door? You know how long she can take to get ready."

"Let's give her at least 10 minutes. Sam check any of her windows. Deeks check out her car. I'll stay here in case she comes to the door."

For Callen the minutes seemed to drag on. But he knew that Sam and Deeks would never forgive him if he didn't wait. He decided to knock every few minutes. But like before there was no answer.

"None of her windows are open or seemed to be tampered with." Sam told Callen as he came back from checking out her windows.

As Deeks rejoined them, "Her car is cold and still in its place."

They still didn't want to give into their fear. They were still hoping that Deek's prediction of Kensi just wanting to relax and sleep made her forget that she had to come back to work.

"Eric, can you disarm her alarm system?"

"Good thinking Callen".

"Alarm is disarmed, go ahead."

Sam brought out his door opening tools, when Callen brought out her key.

"Hetty gave me this just before we left".

"Okay. Open her door."

As Callen was unlocking her door, they each grabbed their gun, when an undescribeable smell hit them.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is my first story.**

**CBS owns all characters.**

**Thank you Sprity, Lollie81 and skymom for your reviews. Thank you Jess1613, Lollie81, Maea, nybrat8483 and skymom for putting this story on your alert. And thank you Silver War for putting this story on both your story alert and Favorite story.**

Everything was dark and still in her apartment. They weren't sure what to expect and they each held their breath.

Those in OPS were waiting on tender hooks. They men weren't talking and they didn't have 'eyes' in her apartment. At a time like this they each wished that they didn't keep their own apartments free from cameras.

"Mr. Callen, what is going on?

"Hetty, it is dark, quiet and doesn't smell good. We are just going in."

As if they had practiced, each man knew what section of the apartment they were going to check out.

Sam went towards the living room. There were still some beer bottles and bowls on the coffee table. The bowls were covered with a thin layer of fuzz. But there was no one in the room.

"Clear!"

At the same time Deeks entered the kitchen. Everything seemed to be the way he remembered it on Christmas Day.

"Clear."

Callen immediately went to her bedroom door and hesitated. Part of him was hoping that Kensi was sleeping, while another part of him was afraid of what he would find. He decided to just go for it and knock on her bedroom door.

When he didn't hear anything, he opened her door and the smell that he thought was undescribeable became more distinct. It was a mixture of vomit, sweat, stale air, mildew and some other unmentionable smells.

The curtain was drawn and he couldn't see anything. It was pitch black, except for the light coming from the doorway. He could see the magazines and clothes littering the bed.

As his eyes became adjusted to the light in the room, he could make out the form of a body on the bed.

As he quickly ran towards the bed he put his gun into the back of his jeans and checked out Kensi's pulse.

Her pulse was thready. She seemed partly unconscious and was moaning. She didn't react to Callen touching her.

Thankfully she had vomited in the bucket beside her bed. Unfortunately, the bucket had overflowed. Callen was doing his best stop himself from gagging.

Her skin was very dry and pale, but her hair was greasy as if she had been sweating for a long time.

She was lying in damp sheets. The smell of urine was very strong.

"Guys in here!"

"Eric call an ambulance. She doesn't look too good."

"What is wrong with her Mr. Callen?"

Sam and Deeks were already in Kensi's bedroom before Callen had time to tell Hetty anything.

The first thing that Sam did upon entering Kensi's bedroom was open her curtains.

They were all very concerned. But one look at Callen's face made Sam, having the stronger stomach, empty out the bucket.

"Hetty, she is half unconscious …"

While Callen was telling Hetty what was going on, Sam & Deeks were tuning him out. Deeks ran to see if he could find a wash cloth to clean up Kensi. Sam tried to find some clean blankets or towels.

All they could find were dirty towels. She probably had been so busy she didn't have time to do her wash like the rest of them. Deeks found some paper towels and used those.

Thankfully the ambulance attendants found the door open and came straight into the apartment.

It seemed like for hours, but in reality it took only 15 minutes to Kensi into the ambulance.

They all wanted to go, but Callen, as senior agent, got priority.

"What hospital are you taking her to?"

"California Hospital Medical Center."

"G., Deeks and I will meet you there."

Those at Kensi's apartment could hear how those at OPS were saying that they were going to meet them at the hospital.

What could be wrong with Kensi?

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	5. Chapter 5

**This is my first story.**

**CBS owns all characters. Jon and Sheila belong to me.**

**Thank you ds9jullian, Lollie81, Silver War and healingcat for your reviews. Thank you wtlozy, didi2909, skimmboardergurl, I Want A Pet Wombat, healingcat, ds9jullian and doliphingurl911 for putting this story on your alert. **

As Callen was keeping up with the paramedics and the stretcher that Kensi was laying on he couldn't stop thinking about what he had just witnessed.

Before, Jon and Sheila, the paramedics, had stomped into Kensi's room as fast as they could, Kensi had been completely unconscious.

Each of the three agents saw the efficiency Jon and Sheila displayed, but it did nothing to dispel their fears.

They had given her oxygen right away. They checked her vital signs and confirmed that her pulse was thready. They had trouble inserting the IV, because she was so dehydrated, and her veins kept on collapsing. Finally they were able to insert her IV.

As soon as they could they had put Kensi on the stretcher to get her to the hospital faster.

All sorts of possibilities went through Callen's mind until the bright sun revealed what Kensi's dark apartment had kept hidden. The bruise on her forehead was still visible. Now the scene that Callen had walked into made sense.

No one had remembered that she had been hit and knocked unconscious on Christmas Eve. No one had checked up on her.

When Callen and Sam had come to the hotel room on Christmas Eve after Deeks had called them, Kensi was unconscious and propped up on the couch.

Kensi had come too, and said, "I had a dream, I was, um, being visited by the three wise men, and then I saw Deeks."

He should have made sure that when he had said to Deeks, "stay with Kensi till the paramedics come here." he should have insisted they wait for the paramedics. Deeks hadn't even left her in the recovery position.

Callen entered the ambulance right after Kensi and Jon. He tried to stay out of Jon's way as much as possible, but he managed to hold on the Kensi's fingertips.

Kensi still hadn't woken up. The oxygen and IV should have been helping.

Callen didn't even register that the sirens were on; he was so worried about Kensi.

While Callen was with Kensi, Sam and Deeks were closing up her apartment and taking off in Callen's car.

This time, Deeks didn't even try to make any jokes. He was so worried. He couldn't imagine what was wrong with Kensi.

Sam just tried to concentrate on the driving. Anything to keep his mind distracted. They had already lost Dom, they didn't want to lose anymore agents. It would be devastating regardless how they lost them.

Somehow they made it to the hospital the same time that Hetty, Eric and Nell made it there and before the ambulance.

They each witnessed as Kensi was rushed to the critical care room. Callen was close behind.

The nurses and doctors were so busy trying to deal with Kensi that they didn't take notice of Callen. As they were cutting off Kensi's clothes, the head nurse realized Callen was there though and asked him to leave.

He joined the others and told them there was nothing to do but wait.

After several hours a doctor came out to see those in the waiting room.

"I need to speak to her family."

Hetty, acting like the matriarch of a mismatched family said, "We are all her family. She has no other family and I have power-of-attorney over her medical care. What is wrong with Agent Blye?"

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	6. Chapter 6

**This is my first story.**

**CBS owns all characters. **

**Thank you gf7 for your review and putting me on your story alert. Thank you Lollie81 and healingcat for your reviews. Thank you xuan441 for putting this story on your story alert. Thank you patriavi and x Caitlin 1995 x for adding this story to your favorite story list.**

Earlier in the hospital parking lot.

Unbeknown to each other, the two parties drove into the California Hospital Medical Center's parking lot, at the same time. They were desperate to find out what was wrong with Kensi.

"I presume Mr. Callen is with Miss Blye?" Hetty asked in a voice that belied her fear when she saw Sam and Deeks exiting Callen's car.

"He thought some should be there for her. Deeks wanted to go with her, but Callen pulled rank."

Sam couldn't contain his anxiety from those gathered around him.

"Let us walk towards the hospital. Hopefully they can tell us what is wrong with Miss Blye."

The groups quickly moved to the emergency room's entrance. While they were meeting in the parking lot, Kensi's ambulance arrived. When they arrived at the entrance, Kensi was being quickly wheeled inside.

Callen was so absorbed in looking at Kensi that he didn't even see his co-workers. He didn't even feel the supporting taps of Sam and Deeks touching his back.

By the time that they had entered the ER, Kensi and Callen were out of sight.

"Stay here; I will see where they want us to wait." Hetty said before anyone else could say something or move.

While Hetty was talking with the administrators of the hospital, Callen came to join his friends and colleagues.

The group acknowledged his presence by asking him questions about Kensi. Callen could only tell them what he had witnessed.

Callen, like the others, didn't think about mentioning the bruise on her forehead, because somehow, the event that happened on Christmas Eve, escaped all of their attention. Kensi had seemed perfectly fine after waking up on the couch. She had managed to Kill Talbot with an accurate shot. She had gone with Deeks to the homeless shelter. This was not the behavior of someone affected by a head injury.

By the end of the day, they would all know how much Talbot contributed to Kensi's condition.

"Mr. Callen, I'm glad you have come to join us. They told me that we can wait in their private waiting room."

The agents, technicians and Hetty were still hopeful that someone would soon tell them what was wrong with Kensi. Only Nell managed to find a seat. They others decided to keep pacing. Hetty just stared out of the window.

When they realized that they weren't going to be told anything anytime soon, they all settled themselves into the comfortable chairs, even Hetty.

Hetty, if anyone would have been looking at her, seemed calm. But inside she was so upset. She was deeply troubled. Kensi, one of the only agents who truly understood what it was like to be a female in a mostly male-dominated field, was sick. She had tried to resign the last time she had lost an agent when Dom died, but this was different. Kensi was like the daughter she never had and she wouldn't be dying in the line of duty. She gave her head a shake when she realized where her thoughts were drifting. Usually she had a sixth sense when she knew her agents were in trouble, but this time there had been nothing. Was she the cause of Kensi's illness to getting so out of hand?

Callen, who considered Kensi his favorite agent and treated her like an equal, was very distraught. Even though he remembered where Kensi had received the bruise on her forehead, he still didn't associate it with her condition. He had heard the paramedics talk about Kensi being severely dehydrated. Surely, she must have the flu that was going around. He just wished that he had called her during her holidays. But he had followed the agent's unwritten rule to stay away from each other during the holidays that Kensi's life might now be on the line.

Sam had always considered Kensi the younger sister he never had. He knew she was sick, very sick, and there was nothing that he could have done. All he had managed to do was open the curtains and clean up the vomit. They had all needed these Christmas holidays to get away from each other and rejuvenate. Everyone had stayed away from each other, why did he feel so guilty?

Deeks, who loved to banter with Kensi the most, was silent for once. He had so looked forward to seeing if the trust they had build up over the last few weeks and months was still there. He was kicking himself for leaving Kensi alone. They had finally opened up to each other on Christmas Eve. Had she already been sick by then? How long had she been sick? Why hadn't she called anyone? Did she have too much liquor? Did she have liquor poisoning? Did she have the flu or what? These were the questions that were going through his mind.

Eric, clearly upset, didn't know what to say. But his face reflected the thoughts running through his mind. He couldn't believe that Kensi was sick. Yes, she had made fun of his shirts, but had always respected his abilities. She made him feel very loved and appreciated. You only insult the ones you like, don't you?

Nell felt like the fifth wheel. Of course she was worried like the rest of them, but she really hadn't known Kensi that long. When Kensi had invited her to get a drink because she didn't want to be the only girl while they were searching for the black book, she had felt very honoured. She was only here for the support.

Each of them was so afraid to miss medical personnel letting them know what was wrong with Kensi that no one left the room.

Finally Nell couldn't deal with the tension in the room and offered to get everyone something to drink and to eat. Only Eric managed to show any enthusiasm for something to drink. Nell just had to escape for a few minutes.

Nell decided to get everyone a coffee, except for Hetty. She hoped Hetty would accept a paper bagged tea just this once.

Nell came back just in time to hear the doctor say, "I need to speak to her family." And Hetty replying, "We are all her family…".

They were all eager to hear what the doctor had to say.

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	7. Chapter 7

**This is my first story.**

**CBS owns all characters. Dr. Walter belongs to me.**

**Thank you healingcat for your review. Thank you montydam, Danni-s and hosen05 for putting this story on your story alert. **

"My name is Dr. Walter and I really need to get consent for emergency surgery right away."

An audible gasp was heard from the group. This hit them all hard. They weren't expecting this.

"Do what ever you need to do Dr. Walter." Hetty said as she signed the paper on the clipboard.

"I'll be right back."

The group was on tender hooks waiting for Dr. Walter to come back. They couldn't imagine what kind of surgery Kensi would need.

Before Dr. Walter could come back, Director Vance called Hetty.

"Yes Director Vance."

"No, we are at the hospital waiting to find out what is wrong with Miss Blye."

"Yes, they are all here."

"Can't this wait?"

"I see."

"Good-bye Director Vance."

Hetty looked very thoughtful before she spoke to the group, "Unfortunately, a important case has come up. Everyone, except for Mr. Deeks, must get back to OPS. I will be staying too."

Turning toward Sam, "Mr. Hannah, I trust you to drive my car in a safe manner."

"Hetty, as soon as you find out any information, you let us know."

"I'll do that Mr. Callen."

Reluctantly those needed on the new case left the waiting room.

Deeks watched his co-workers leave. Anything to distract himself from the situation while he waited for Dr. Walter to come back.

Deeks couldn't believe how calm Hetty seemed.

"Hetty, what do you think is wrong with Kensi?"

Hetty was taking a long time to answer. In reality she didn't even want to speculate.

But she was saved from answering Deeks when Dr. Walter came into the waiting room.

"I'm sorry for taking so long. I was called away to an emergency."

"Let me begin by letting you know that Miss Blye is a remarkable woman. Lesser woman would have died."

"What are you taking about?"

"Shh. Let him finish Mr. Deeks."

"We couldn't begin the surgery until we dealt with the dehydration. Thankfully it only took two hours to get Miss Blye hydrated enough that we could perform the necessary surgery."

"While we were waiting for her to be hydrated, we ran a tox screen; one less issue to deal with. "

"We were expecting Miss Blye's consciousness level to increase as we were administrating the necessary fluids. Instead, she was still unresponsive."

"We needed to do a MRI and a cat scan. They both let us know that Mrs. Blye suffered a chronic subdural bleed."

Before Dr. Walter could continue with his speech, Deeks interrupted him to ask what that meant.

"A chronic subdural bleed, means that something caused Miss Blye's head to slowly bleed internally. It could have been recently or weeks or even months ago. But we need to relieve the pressure now by drilling a small hole in her skull.

Deeks had already felt very guilty for not contacting Kensi during the holidays, but now he felt very guilty for not having Kensi get checked out when Talbot had knocked her unconscious.

"Kensi and the guys were going to blame him," Deeks' thoughts were self-condemning, but in reality Sam and Callen were just as guilty. They saw Kensi unconscious on the couch. They had a history with her too. But Deeks was to absorbed in his own guilt that nothing at this time could convince him differently.

Hetty felt completely differently. She was in charge of everyone. If they hurt, she hurt.

As Deeks and Hetty were thinking their separate thoughts, Dr. Walter brought them back to the present by asking Deeks and Hetty, "Do you know when Miss Blye was hit in the head?"

Deeks spoke up first, "She was hit in the forehead and knocked unconscious on Christmas Eve. Do you think that is what caused the chronic subdural bleed?"

"That could be it, or it could have exasperated the situation. Does Miss Blye do anything dangerous?"

This time Deeks wisely let Hetty answer the doctor.

"Miss Blye does do some pretty dangerous stuff. I'm sure that she was hit in the head multiple times before Christmas Eve."

"I see."

Hesitantly Deeks asked, "What are the symptoms of her condition?"

"Some of the first signs of a chronic subdural bleed are: confused and slurred speech, difficulty with balance or walking, headaches, weakness, numbness, nausea and vomiting, loss of consciousness, seizures and then ultimately death.

As Deeks reflected back on the night of Christmas Eve, he realized that Kensi was clearly showing all the signs of a head injury and not a sever hangover. He thought it strange that she couldn't hold her liquor. He had chalked it up to her being tired and the late hour.

Deeks couldn't help but replay that night in his mind. He had felt weird leaving Kensi with Talbot. Talbot was agreeing with everything Kensi was saying. Deeks could see that Kensi was weirded out too. He was so glad that he prevented Talbot from shooting Kensi. He should have called an ambulance. Instead, he had driven Kensi to the pier so she could shoot the bastard.

When she had good-naturedly gone with him to the homeless shelter, Kensi had acted to completely normal. Actually she had acted very unusual; she was so carefree. When she had asked him to share the beer and ice cream she had seemed friendly, carefree, and trustworthy of him. He should have made sure that she went to the hospital. Instead he had talked into the night with her and left her there to sleep off her "hangover".

Deeks didn't hear Hetty ask, "What brought about the dehydration?

Dr. Walter said, "The throwing up and head injury probably brought about the dehydration."

Deeks was still lost in his thoughts until he heard Dr. Walter say, "I'm sorry to say that the baby did not survive."

What baby?

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	8. Chapter 8

**CBS owns everything. I only own Dr. Walter.**

**Thank you to those of you who put me on the favorite author and story alerts and for those of you who reviewed. I really appreciate it.**

**I'm sorry it took so long to write another chapter. I am a mother of two very active little children and we are leaving for a quick weekend away. I will try to write more soon.**

Deeks was sick with grief. No one had made Kensi go the hospital to get checked out that night. He had kept her up all night drinking and talking. He had even laughed at her behaviour thinking that she had been hangover. And she had been pregnant. The baby didn't even have a fighting chance because he had left her alone.

He had been her partner, no, he was her partner. They had shown trust in each other. Didn't she show complete trust in him that he would find her and rescue her from the Russians. He just couldn't believe that she had been pregnant and not told him. It didn't occur to Deeks that Kensi might not have known that she was pregnant if she had just spent the whole night of Christmas Eve drinking with him.

It was not often that Hetty was left speechless. She could understand the head injury even though she knew nothing about Talbot knocking Kensi unconscious; Kensi had often been knocked in the head. She would need to have a serious talk with her agents about reporting any injury they incurred. If they had so much as a hangnail, they would need to report to her.

The shocker though was that Kensi had been pregnant. There had been much speculation amongst the agents that Kensi's first dates, where she had been charming, fun and witty, involved one night stands, but Hetty knew that Kensi had just been trying to fill a lonely heart. She had even tried to help Kensi out when Kensi had shown up to work still dressed in her previous night's outfit by pretending that Kensi had been on a secret one-man mission for her. Not that it was anyone's business, but the speculation was over. Kensi had been pregnant!

One look at Hetty and Deek's faces and Dr. Walter realized they had been ignorant of Kensi's pregnancy. Sometimes he wished there was an erase button and he could undo all the damage he had caused by letting them know about Kensi's pregnancy and subsequent loss in such an abrupt way.

"The main thing to focus on is Miss Blye getting through the surgery right now. Hopefully they will be able to repair the damage and Miss Blye will be as good as new in no time."

Deeks, who still couldn't wrap his head around Kensi's pregnancy and loss, seemed to have had just heard what Dr. Walter said and asked, "How far along was she pregnant."

Hetty wanted to hear the answer too. She didn't know if knowing would make her feel any better, but she knew that she needed to know.

"Well, her blood test showed elevated HCG levels, but the scans didn't show any fetus. She must not have been far along at all. She might not even have known that she was pregnant."

If Dr. Walter had hoped that this latest news would make the agents feel any better, he was sadly mistaken. They were saddened when they realized the toll that this job cost. Hetty, who secretly regretted not having children and a family, was reminded that Kensi was young but had had already gone through so much tragedy. Deeks didn't know if Kensi wanted this pregnancy or not, but some days their job really sucked. Most people didn't know that they sacrificed so much to keep their city and their country safe.

Dr. Walter could see how this line of questioning and thinking was going to end, so he repeated what he had said earlier, "The main thing is to focus on Miss Blye getting through the surgery right now. They should really be able to repair the damage and Miss Blye will be as good as new."

These words had their desired effect and Hetty snapped out of her negative contemplation.

"What is Miss Blye's recovery time?"

While Hetty was asking this question, Dr. Walter was paged again.

After looking down at his pager, Dr. Walter told them, "I need to take this. If you have any more questions feel free to let a nurse know and they can contact me. Otherwise, I will come when the surgery is over."

Hetty could already see that Deeks was bursting to talk to her.

"Just give me a moment Mr. Deeks. I need to think."

After a few moments, as if a light switch had just been turned on, Hetty became alive when she told Deeks her decision.

"We will wait for the surgery to end before we contact the others. Right now, I think it is best if we don't let the others know about her pregnancy. I don't think we should even tell Miss. Blye, unless it is absolute necessary."

Hetty would later live to regret her decision.

Deeks wanted to argue but decided to listen to Hetty.

Hetty and Deeks were left with their thoughts again waiting for Kensi to come out of surgery and the recovery room. Hetty searched for tea and was disappointed to find only a paper tea bag. But the decision to go through her ritual of preparing tea was the best distraction for her. Deeks just sipped the vending machine coffee and stayed in his thoughts.

Finally after many hours, Dr. Walter came back to the waiting room and informed them that Kensi was currently in the ICU.

"Miss Blye survived the surgery. There were only a few moments when the surgeons weren't sure if they were going to lose her. But like I said earlier, she is really strong and hopefully everything will be all right."

"When can we see her?"

Sometimes Hetty was really glad that Deeks didn't pull any punches and just asked his questions or said the first thought that came to his mind. Now was one of those times.

"Only two people may visit her at a time. I know how important human contact is right now. So talk to her, let her know how life is."

"Dr. Walter, are there any precautions we need to take?"

"Just make sure that you are healthy. Any illness, even a cold, could be devastating now."

"What room is Miss Blye in?"

"Just go to the fifth floor and someone there will direct you."

Deeks was already standing up when Hetty halted him by saying, "don't you think that we should let the others know about Miss Blye's condition?"

Deeks and Dr. Walter listened to Hetty call the OPS centre and let those not at the hospital know about Kensi's status.

After the phone call, Hetty and Deeks couldn't get to the fifth floor fast enough. But they were unprepared for Kensi's condition.

**Please review.**


	9. Chapter 9

**CBS owns everything. I only own Dr. Walter.**

**Thank you to those of you who put me on the favorite author and story alerts and for those of you who reviewed. I really appreciate it.**

**I'm sorry it took so long to write another chapter. I have been doing a lot of research and I am trying to make it as accurate as possible. I also had writers block.**

When the pair walked up to the nurse sitting behind the counter at the entrance of the ICU, Deeks deferred to Hetty to ask the all important question: what was Kensi's room number.

For once Hetty didn't waste any time being formal. "What room is Kensi Blye in?

Before the nurse could even finish saying, "Room 505", Hetty and Deeks were already on their way.

But they were not prepared for what they saw. Both had witnessed sick and injured people but it had never been someone they were close too. Deeks had never seen someone so sick either. If the nurse had never told them what room Kensi was in, they would never have recognized her.

Other than the sounds of the machines in Kensi's room, the only sound that could be heard was the gasp from Hetty and the intake of breath from Deeks.

The nurse working on Kensi, feeling the presence of someone behind her, turned around and gestured to them that they should wait to come in.

Even though Deeks and Hetty were getting impatient they didn't want to do anything to jeopardize Kensi's health.

When the nurse was finished with what she was doing she came to the doorway.

"Are either one of you sick?"

"No!" came out of Hetty and Deeks mouths simultaneously.

"Then wash your hands and then you can come in."

After they were done, they entered into Kensi's room.

The nurse offered them each a chair but they just shook their heads. They wanted to take a good look at Kensi.

"If she wakes up, please get one of the nurses. She cannot strain anything at all" with those words the nurse walked out of the room.

As they walked up to the bed Kensi was lying on, they couldn't believe what they saw.

Kensi's body was lying flat on her back and her head was raised on one pillow. Her head was partially covered by a dressing that was darker in the middle. A chest-drainage tube was sticking out from under the dressing and hung above her head. Wires coming out from under the dressing were attached to a monitor. A light blue and light yellow and purple bruise could still be seen on her forehead where she had made contact with the object Talbot had hit her with. Her eyes were lightly purple ringed and her face was swollen. A tube was sticking out of her nose and attached with tape. A breathing tube disappeared in her slightly open mouth. The wires that were sticking out of the top of her gown were connected to a heart monitor. A blood pressure cuff was attached to Kensi's left upper arm. Pin pricks and bruises covered the inside of her arms were the paramedics tried to insert an IV into her dehydrated blood vessels. A very light fist-size bruise covered her right arm between her wrist and her elbow. A dark purple bruise surrounded the tube that was coming out of her left wrist. A finger clip measured her pulse. A pouch attached to the side of the bed with a tube coming from under the blanket in the middle of the bed was probably the catheter. The blanket was unevenly raised above pneumatic compression stockings that were partially sticking out. A machine was attached to them and the stockings were gently tightening for a few seconds and then releasing.

Hetty, being the older and wiser, had seen the trust and friendship that Kensi and Deeks had been building. She could see that Deeks was deeply troubled. She cared for Kensi but knew that it was more important for Deeks to be with Kensi. She wanted to be there to support Kensi and Deeks. Right now Kensi wouldn't care if she was there or not, but Deeks would. She decided that she would only make Deeks leave when absolute necessary. She would be willing to sacrifice her desire to be with Kensi so the others could have a turn too.

After taking a good look at Kensi, Deeks needed to sit down. He closed his eyes tightly. He had known that Kensi had surgery and that she would be unconscious for a while, but he was desperate for her to wake up. He hoped that when he opened his eyes he would see that it was all a joke and that Kensi would laugh about putting one over him again. Instead, the only movement he could see was her pressure stockings moving.

Deeks was tired but he was also desperate to have his eyes be the first ones Kensi would see upon awakening. He sat upon the chairs in the room that were often used for people to sleep in and were padded more than the average chair and tried to keep awake. But the stress of the day caught up to him and he fell asleep.

Hetty decided to let him sleep. The chances of Kensi waking up anytime soon were very remote. Therefore Hetty decided to risk it and phone her other agents. She was sure that they would want an update. She wasn't sure though how much she should reveal, so she tried to be cryptic.

"Mr. Callen, we are in Miss Blye's room. . . . Only two people at a time may visit her. . . .I think it is important that Deeks stay with her. . . .I agree with you. . . .I think it is best if you see for yourself. . . .Please let Mr. Hanna know. . . .I would appreciate if you would let them know too. I am sure that Mr. Beale and Ms. Jones are eager to find out too. . . .Bye Mr. Callen."

Hetty decided to settle into the other padded chair and wait to see who would wake up first; Kensi or Deeks.

The same nurse came into the room a few times while Hetty was the only one awake. She checked to make sure that all of the machines were working properly and all the tubes and wires were they should be.

Before the night was out, Hetty too succumbed to sleep. She didn't witness the nursing shift or that Callen, Sam and Eric were already in the waiting room to await their turn to see Kensi. The trio decided to sleep in the chairs and couches provided in the waiting room, so they could take their turn to see Kensi.

**Please review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**CBS owns everything. I only own Dr. Walter and nurse Tanya.**

**Thank you to those of you who put me on the favorite author and story alerts and for those of you who reviewed. I really appreciate it.**

Sometime between falling asleep and waking up Hetty could see that Kensi's breathing tube had been removed and replaced with an oxygen mask. Kensi's face seemed to have some colour back and some of the puffiness had disappeared.

Hetty glanced at her watch and noticed it was already after 8 am. She couldn't believe how long she had been asleep. She must have woken up when a different nurse from last night came into the room.

"Good morning. I am Ms. Blye's primary nurse today."

Hetty could see Tanya clearly displayed on the nametag over the nurse's left breast.

"Good morning Miss Tanya, everyone calls me Hetty."

"We expect Ms. Blye to wake up real soon. She has already shown some improvements. I will be in every 15 minutes to check Ms. Blye's vital signs. If she wakes up before hand, please call me immediately. She should do nothing to strain anything."

"Thank you Miss Tanya," with those words, Tanya walked out of the room.

A few minutes later another nurse popped in her head to Kensi's room and let Hetty know the others were in the waiting room.

It amazed Hetty that Deeks never woke up. He must have been so exhausted to have slept through the whole exchange.

Hetty decided to risk it and get Callen before either Kensi or Deeks woke up.

It seemed out of no where when Callen felt a presence above him. When he opened his eyes he could see Hetty standing over him with her pointer finger covering her lips.

"We don't want to wake the others up Mr. Callen" Hetty whispered.

Callen scrambled to sit up before Hetty could finish talking. He sat there with his arms propped up on his legs and rubbing his face in to try to wake up.

"Any news Hetty?" Callen asked in a low voice.

"No, Ms Blye hasn't woken up yet. I have decided that it is important for Mr. Deeks to be with her as much as possible. We will take turns visiting her. If you want to you could take your turn and I will stay here."

With a grateful look Callen got up to go to Kensi.

"Mr. Callen."

Callen stopped short, "Yes, Hetty?"

"Make sure you wash your hands before you go to see Ms. Blye in room 505."

Callen nodded at Hetty and proceeded on his way.

Hetty knew that her agents probably all felt guilty for not making sure that Kensi got to the hospital to be checked out and that no one had taken the time to check up on her during her vacation. She hoped by letting the agents stay with Kensi they would feel useful and finally forgive themselves. Therefore, she would let her agents stay with Kensi as much as possible. She cared deeply for Kensi but didn't mind being in the background if it helped her team.

As Callen was walking towards Kensi's room he tried to prepare himself for what he was about to see. He started to get really worked up. As the water ran over his hands he used the time to calm himself down.

When Callen entered Kensi's hospital room he was unprepared for what he saw. The last time that he had seen her, Kensi had been dehydrated and the bruise on her forehead was still somewhat visible. Now she was swollen with fluids, battered and bruised from the very procedures that were necessary to save her life.

Callen tried not to notice the bruise still visible from Talbot's work. He knew feeling guilty would do nothing to help Kensi. Yet, he couldn't help himself. He was head agent. He should have made sure that Kensi went to the hospital and because he didn't, Kensi might never be the same. When Sam wasn't available Kensi always had his back. She was willing to do anything to get the job done. She had never let him down. She was very strong, but still human when the situation called for it.

Callen really hoped that the possible affects mentioned in the research Eric had looked up wouldn't be permanent. Chronic Subdural Hematoma could be really damaging. But reading about it was much different than facing reality.

He settled himself into the unoccupied chair and waited for Kensi and/or Deeks to wake up.

About 10 minutes after Callen came into Kensi's room the new shift nurse came into the room. Callen watched her check Kensi's vital signs and her machines and monitors.

Deeks eyes flew open when he remembered where he was. He couldn't believe that he had fallen asleep. As he tried to orient himself, he glanced at the bed and saw that Kensi was still asleep. When he glanced over at the other chair he was very surprised to see Callen sitting beside him.

"Glad to see you awake."

Rubbing his face and eyes, Deeks asked, "When did you arrive?"

"Sometime last night. Eric and Sam are still in the waiting room with Hetty."

Callen could see that Deeks was worried about something.

Callen guessed correctly when he said to Deeks, "Don't worry, Hetty wants you to stay with Kensi. We'll take turns visiting her. We'll also get you anything you need, like food."

Deeks whole body seemed to relax when he heard what Callen had to say, "I'm good man."

Callen wisely kept quiet.

The guys settled them to think their own thing while they waited for Kensi to wake up.

In the waiting room Sam and Eric woke up to see Hetty sitting with them. They too scrambled to sit up as soon as they saw Hetty.

"You don't need to hurry on my account Mr. Hanna and Mr. Beale. Right now Callen is with Ms. Blye."

"Ok Hetty."

Since Kensi seemed like a kid sister he never had to Sam, Sam was itching to get to her beside as soon as he could. He wanted to make sure that she was safe.

Sam often intimidated other people but right from the start Kensi treated him like the big teddy bear he was. Actually, Kensi never showed fear in typical situations where a lesser woman would fall apart with fear. He admired and respected her for that.

Sam and Callen often joked and insulted each other, but they always had each other's back. There was a chemistry there that few partners could replicate. When Callen wasn't available or wasn't right for the part, Kensi would always step in flawlessly.

Not until they were all fooled by Talbot, Kensi revealed her part with Jack and she was in a situation that allowed her to be knocked unconscious did Sam question her ability. Despite his doubts and fears, she managed to still kill Talbot with one shot.

From now on, he knew she would hate it; he would be extra protective of her. Because he knew she just had to recover completely.

While Sam was busy with his thoughts, Eric was thinking his own.

Eric knew that the others on the team treated him like the annoying kid brother, but they still respected him and appreciated his skills. Every time one of the team was on a dangerous mission he was on tenterhooks like the rest of them. He was part of the team. They all had their roles to play.

Eric wanted to see Kensi, just to make sure that she was okay. When she recovered she could treat him like an annoying little brother anytime.

Back in Kensi's room, Tanya came in several times to check Kensi's vital signs again and leave.

While Tanya was out of the room, Kensi started to stir in her bed. Deeks and Callen both stood up on either side of her bed. They were excited and scared. What would the next few minutes bring. Callen wisely pressed the call button to alert the nurses.

**Please Review.**


	11. Chapter 11

**CBS owns everything. I only own Dr. Walter and nurse Tanya.**

**Thank you to those of you who put me on the favorite author and story alerts and for those of you who reviewed. I really appreciate it.**

Tanya quickly entered Kensi's room. She wasn't sure what the problem was. But she was very pleased when she saw Kensi starting to stir.

Without having to be told Callen moved out of the way to let Tanya get close to Kensi. Thankfully, as per Hetty's wishes, Deeks was on the other side of the bed and could stay close to Kensi. Callen knew that maintaining a strong partnership was important and he had seen how close Kensi and Deeks had become over the last few months.

Even though the overhead lights had been dimmed, Kensi still struggled to open her eyes. After multiple tries her eyes finally stayed open. She couldn't figure out where she was; she started to frantically look around. Her eyes only briefly stayed on one item at a time. She looked at Deeks, Callen and Tanya with confusion.

"Good morning Ms. Blye. My name is Tanya and you are in the California Hospital Medical Center's ICU. You had brain surgery yesterday. . . ." Tanya continued telling Kensi in a soothing voice as she started her neurological assessment.

Deeks tuned out what Tanya was saying. He couldn't believe that Kensi was awake. But he was worried by her reaction. So far Kensi hadn't said a word.

Tanya first started her neurological exam by checking Kensi's pulse. Then she checked out Kensi's blood pressure, blood oxygen levels, and the number of breaths each minute, her reflexes and her pupil reactions.

Tanya was one of those nurses that explained everything as she was going along. Not only did she want to relieve Kensi's fears, but she also wanted to establish rapport with Kensi and her friends.

Tanya told Kensi and her friends that she would be coming into the room every 15 minutes for the next few hours to make sure that everything was ok.

The next thing Tanya did was check out the bandage on Kensi's head. Somehow it was a shock to Deeks when he saw the shaved area surrounding the stitches. Deeks wasn't sure how Kensi was going to react when she realized some of her beautiful hair was gone.

Kensi's other drains, tubes, wires and machines and monitors were checked out. During the whole time she kept quiet with a frightened and pained look on her face.

Callen looked at the time and realized that the others would probably want to know that Kensi was awake. He wanted to stay but knew he had already overstayed his turn.

As Callen was walking towards the waiting room he debated with himself how he should let the others know, but thought it best to come right out and tell the other, "Kensi's awake!"

Everyone couldn't help it but have a huge grin on their face. Kensi had finally woken up.

Like a little child at Christmas Sam stood up ready to go to Kensi, "yes, it is your turn Mr. Hanna to go to Kensi in room in 505."

Sam needed little prompting to go to Kensi's room. But when he got there Deeks was standing outside the curtain with his hands in his pockets.

Sam's grin started faltering "What is going on?"

"They are changing Kensi clothes and changing her bedding. I don't think that she would want us in with her."

Sam couldn't believe how Deek's humour had disappeared since they found Kensi lying in her bed.

"How is she?"

Deeks seemed to take a while to choose his words.

"She is frightened, confused and hasn't talked yet."

Sam didn't know how to take what Deeks had to say. Was Kensi out of the woods or not?

Sam and Deeks used the time waiting to talk about the latest case Callen and Sam had worked on.

It wasn't long before Tanya pulled the curtain aside and beckoned the two into Kensi's room. The guys didn't need any prompting to go to Kensi.

"Dr. Walter has been called and will be here any moment."

Sam just nodded at Tanya in acknowledgement. She could see how eager the guys were to be with Kensi.

Deeks was surprised to see Kensi sleeping again but thought she looked somewhat better. Sam on the other hand had last seen her in her room in her apartment. She had looked horrible then, but now she looked so much worse.

Sam was unprepared for the bruising and for all the tubes and wires coming from Kensi's body. He just stood at the side of Kensi's bed rail and willed her to wake up.

As if Kensi' could read his mind, she started to stir again. This time she moaned while trying to adjust her eyes to the light in the room.

When she glanced around this time, letting her eyes adjust to the light and trying to make sense of where she was, her eyes stayed on Sam and Deeks who were hovering over her.

With a slightly pained expression in her eyes Kensi whispered, "Where am I?", as she tried to sit up.

Tanya, who was hovering in the background, rushed over to Kensi and started to explain things to Kensi, while starting her neurological exam again. Dr. Walter took this time to enter Kensi's room and start his neurological exam.

Deeks wanted to stay with Kensi, but instead, beckoned to Sam for them both to leave the room. It seemed Deeks was the more mature one. Sam reluctantly took his hands off the bed rail and continued looking at Kensi as he started to follow Deeks out of the room.

Tanya glanced up, "You can probably come back in about an hour."

They could hear Tanya and Dr. Walter asking Kensi questions and Kensi answering them.

"We should probably meet up with Hetty and the others. We wouldn't want them to wait to long for news."

In no time they were all assembled in the waiting room. Hetty was drinking her special tea that Sam or Callen had brought to her, while the others were drinking coffee.

"Kensi woke up again and talked to us this time. I'm sure she is going to be okay."

The tension that everyone had been unaware of seemed to leave the room. Sam and Callen bumped each other's fist. Eric pumped his fist in the air, "Right on!"

**Please review. I don't know what people think of this story.**


	12. Chapter 12

**CBS owns everything. I only own Dr. Walter and nurse Tanya.**

**Thank you to those of you who put me on the favorite author and story alerts and for those of you who reviewed. I really appreciate it.**

**I've made it be Kensi's POV so that all characters are at the same place.**

Kensi's POV

The last thing Kensi wanted to do was play damsel in distress. As when life got too hard or complicated, work, her co-workers and Hetty kept her sane. Yes, going out most nights she wasn't working a case wasn't the smartest thing to do, but is sure helped her forget for a few hours how empty she really was. She was so grateful Deeks, although thoroughly annoying at times, always had her back. Question his humour yes, question his ability as a LAPD or agent, never.

The last few months since Dom died had finally been eased by Deeks; especially the last few weeks. Deeks thankfully went after any attractive girl, except for her, so she was off the hook. Deeks' teasing was the perfect foil for her. She didn't have to reveal too much to anyone. Deeks just begged for a verbal sparing, while Dom was like a kid brother whom she felt compelled to mentor.

Work was a great distraction. She had to be her best. There was no margin for error. It was great to let out all her aggression on uncooperative suspects who always insisted on trying to flee. Her small frame belied her strength and no-how of subduing a suspect most times. If she couldn't handle a situation completely on her own, her co-workers stepped in.

Since her co-workers never showed any weaknesses, she definitely wasn't about to either. Training and sparing with her co-workers kept her in top-notch physical condition. Serial dating and visiting Camp Pendleton on the weekends between cases gave her an outlet for the emotions she was so desperate to hide from the others. The only time she couldn't hide her emotions from her co-workers was when someone she cared about was seriously hurt or died. Dom had just been added to the long list of people that had died on her. She knew it wasn't rational to blame them, but sometimes she just did. Life sucked sometimes. Her co-workers knew when she was angry by the tears her eyes and her quietness. She wasn't like the typical girl who cried and made a big deal of things.

The last few weeks before Christmas had been miserable for her. Amazingly, the trust she had in Deeks was well-placed. When he had rescued her from those lasers she had been at her last straw. Her trust in him had gone up a notch when he thankfully when he hadn't told anyone how scared she had been. Not that anyone would have blamed her. But that was a girly emotion her marine father never would have allowed her to show.

She would never tell anyone what happened between her and the Russians during the hours she had surrendered to them and the time those in OPS had seen her on line standing in the laser filled room. She had felt off ever since. The fact that her job required her to assume a false identity effortlessly only helped her hide this fact from her co-workers.

Her motto, 'business as usual' worked for her most of the time too. But when Talbot came into her life she couldn't keep quiet anymore. Even though she knew the others were watching her. She was just glad to tell someone who understood, like Talbot. She felt so bad for him. Jack had come back messed up and she hadn't been able to help him. This time she had a chance to help someone who really needed her. Not only could she show her emotions openly, yet guarded, but she could help someone.

Talbot had really confused her though. She didn't like how he brought up so many memories of Jack, but she liked how he allowed her to feel useful. His behaviour and agreement with everything she had to say suggested he had a crush on her. She thought it was sweet. But when Callen had called her to warn her about Talbot she had already started to feel something wasn't quiet right with him.

She didn't expect him to hit her though. She couldn't believe that he turned on her. Killing him was only possible because he was about to kill her. A split second before he had hit her everything came together. His actions after knocking her out just confirmed what she had started to suspect.

When all she wanted to do was lick her wounds and feel sorry for herself Callen put her in her place. Why did she think that she could tell Talbot was lying when the navy, his psychiatrist and the others couldn't tell? But that was Kensi. Deeks saved her from the doldrums when he suggested he come on his date. One never knew what to expect with Deeks and she wasn't disappointed.

The pounding headache didn't go away while she was at the homeless shelter, but she seemed to pretend it wasn't there. Her headache was helped by the fact that she could just be herself. It was great to see Deeks helping others and his humour was really appreciated by the shelter's clients. She should have known Deeks would do something out of the ordinary. Deeks was really someone who cared for people and she was finally able to see that.

Asking him over for her traditional beer and ice-cream had been the next step in their partnership. She really wanted to sleep the headache off but she didn't want to be alone. It was better to suffer a bit than to have to be with her own demons. She hadn't trusted any of her partners to bring them over into the inner sanctum of her abode.

For a few hours she could ignore the pounding in her head, but she wasn't expecting the hangover. She ignored her physical symptoms to have the long chat with Deeks. Being alone on Christmas Eve since her father died was her usual pattern, but breaking it with Deeks was nice. She couldn't believe that they managed to talk to each other without insulting each other for hours. When Deeks decided that he needed to go to bed she was so relieved. She just wanted to sleep and relax for her holidays.

She couldn't believe she was going to be sick. Ice cream and beer tasted so much better going down than coming up. All she had wanted to do was go to bed. Closing the curtains in her bedroom had helped somewhat. The bright lights had really been hurting her eyes. Since the dizziness and pounding headache wouldn't leave her alone she took many trips to the bathroom. Shouldn't throwing up have relieved some of the pressure. Finally Kensi couldn't take it anymore and she had crawled to the kitchen to get a bucket that would be her companion for many days. Thankfully, she didn't throw up on the way to the kitchen, but she did manage to fall asleep a few times.

The first day she had even managed to get a few sips of water, but she had grown too weak for that ultimately. Eventually all she could do was lay their in her bed. She couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. Fortunately she had managed to avoid throwing up in bed. She couldn't even remember how long she was on her own. Would anyone find her in time?

She felt like she was underwater. The last thing she remembered was hearing someone mention her name. The bright lights hurt her eyes. Why were her curtains open? She didn't really recognize anyone. Shouldn't this headache be gone by now? Nothing made sense.

The next time she woke up, Kensi saw Deeks and Sam looking at her. The headache was better. Her head was itchy though. She had been lying around enough. She needed to get up. She couldn't believe where she was. All she wanted to do was get out of there.

Why did talking hurt? Why did her arms hurt? Nothing made sense.

**Please review. I don't know what people think of this story.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm really sorry for not getting to this story sooner. I had major writers block and I went away on vacations. I can't promise that I will write weekly, but I will do my best.**

Hetty couldn't help but smile when she heard Kensi had finally woken up. This was going to be a good day. She would talk to Kensi's medical team and see if she could get everyone into Kensi's room at once. Maybe then they could assure themselves Kensi was on the mend and the team could start working again without worrying, with the exception of Deeks. Everyone, especially since they were down two, was needed in the field. Life had to go on, despite everyone's desire to the contrary. Kensi wouldn't want everyone to fawn over her anyways.

Even thought the team's job required them to be very patient, they were all finding it very hard to put their patience into practice. Callen, Sam, Eric and even Deeks were taking the time to tease each other. Anything to make the time go faster. Hetty even put in a few words to burn one team member or another in her deadpan way. The hour just seemed to drag on.

After noticing the team taking turns glancing at the clock over the doorway every few minutes, Hetty finally had enough, "Did I ever tell you about my time in Casablanca?"

It seemed to do the trick for a little while. Before they knew it the hour was up. Excitedly Eric joined Deeks to go visit Kensi, while Hetty continued her story.

"Ok man, I just need to prepare you that you' re going to see some horrible bruising. Don't let on that it bothers you or Kensi will kill you."

Kensi wasn't in her room when they got there so the guys decided to wait for her in her room. After an hour Deeks finally had enough and went up to the receptionist, "Do you know when Ms Blye should be back in her room?

"I haven't heard anything yet. Why don't you go back to the waitingroom. As soon as I do I'll be sure to let you know."

There was nothing for Eric and Deeks to do but go back to the others.

Hetty was still telling the others her stories. The mood amongst the others was still very light.

"Ah, Mr. Beale, how is Ms Blye?" Hetty carefully asked Eric when she saw their dejected faces.

"She wasn't there Hetty".

"I'm sure that she will be back soon. They probably had to do some more testing?"

Hetty was prevented from saying more by her cell phone ringing.

After glancing at her cell display Hetty said, "Hello Director Vance. Yes, she woke up a little over two hours ago. Yes, the team is still here. No, we don't know more. Right now? All right, can you do without Deeks? Thank you. I'll be sure to let the team know."

Everyone listening in on Hetty's conversation waited with bated breath.

"Listen up. Director Vance has another case for all of us. We all need to get back the office except for Mr. Deeks. Mr. Deeks please let us know anything when you hear something."

Eric couldn't suppress a groan. He didn't have a chance to see Kensi and see for himself that she was doing better. But the show must go on as they say.

Callen and Sam knew better than to give any outward sign of displeasure. Kensi wouldn't want it any other way. She would hate to be the cause of someone else being hurt because of her.

Deeks watched Hetty and the others leave. There was nothing for him to do but wait for news on Kensi. Maybe he should get some food for himself.

When Deeks came back to the ICU floor he took a gamble to see if Kensi was back in her room. Unfortunately she wasn't there. Deeks just decided to stay in her room. The worst they could do was kick him out.

Without anyone to talk to and nothing else to do, the anxiety and broken sleep caught up to him and he fell asleep.

"Bzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzz."

The vibration from his cell phone woke Deeks up from a deep sleep.

"Yah, Deeks here." If Deeks would have looked at his display he would have seen that Hetty was calling him.

Deeks sat up straighter, "I'm sorry Hetty, I fell asleep. What did you say? No, Kensi isn't back yet. I will find out what is going on. I'll call you back as soon as I know."

Deeks could believe how long Kensi was away. The hour had turned into five. Where could Kensi be?

What Sam and Deeks heard as Kensi answering Tanya's questions, making them believe that she was doing all right, unfortunately, was misinterpreted.

Kensi had woken up asking where she was, but that had been the last time her words had made sense. The longer she had been questioned by Tanya, the more off her answers had been.

Tanya and Dr. Walter glanced at each other with worriedly. The more they continued their neurological exam, the more they realized they needed to find out what was going on.

Within minutes of calling down to the Radiology Department, Kensi was on her way for a MRI and a Cat Scan. Dr. Walter and Tanya were so concerned they didn't even take the time to get someone to help take her down.

Kensi was still talking as they entered the elevator. But as the elevator descended to the basement Radiology Department, Kensi became very quiet. Within seconds of entering the elevator Kensi had gone from talking, in gibberish mind you, to passing out.

Tanya checked Kensi's pulse, while Dr. Walter used the elevator phone to connect to the Radiology Department. Her pulse was weak and getting weaker by the second. Before the elevator stopped, Kensi stopped breathing. Tanya frantically looked around for the artificial breathing hand pump. When she didn't find one, she climbed onto the bed and threw Kensi's pillow onto the floor and straddled Kensi to start mouth-to-mouth.

"Ms. Blye crashed; we need a cart right away. We are in the South elevator."

Before the elevator door completely opened a nurse came into the elevator and handed Tanya the hand pump. Tanya inserted it into Kensi's mouth and used the pump to breath for her.

They quickly moved Kensi's bed out of the elevator into the hallway. A few feet from the elevator Dr. Walter stopped the group to insert a tube down Kensi's throat. As soon as he connected it to the machine that would breathe for Kensi again, they quickly took Kensi to the Radiology Department to get her checked out.

"Oh crap. We need to operate right now. We don't have time to get permission"

"We have consent to do anything necessary to help her medically. We should be fine. Go ahead."

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	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you so much for reviewing and adding me to your story alert and favorites. **

**CBS owns everything. I just own Dr. Walter, Tanya and Julie.**

"Could you please tell where Ms. Blye is? She was supposed to be back around four hours ago." Deeks asked while playing a beat on the counter with his thumb to try to not show his impatience to find out what was wrong with Kensi.

"I'm sorry. Why don't you wait in the waiting room Mr. …"

"Deeks."

"Mr. Deeks, I'll try to find out for you as soon as possible."

"Thanks"

Deeks was wavering between going to the waiting room or Kensi's room, but the desire to hear the news faster won out. He felt like he had been in the waiting room so many times that he should set up shop and charge admission.

Deeks was getting more and more concerned as time went on. He tried some of the channels on the TV in the corner, but nothing interested him. He tried pacing but it wasn't helping. He flipped through the magazines on the coffee table but they definitely weren't helping. Finally he resigned himself to sitting on the chair.

He wouldn't let himself go to thoughts of Kensi's current condition. But he allowed his mind to drift back over the year he had known her: She had put on a convincing performance as 'Kate' in the fight club. He wasn't so sure the second time he met her though. Finding out that she had been undercover and was going to be his partner at the time he didn't know she was going to be one of the best things that happened to him in a long time. Like an annoying younger brother he loved teasing her. Her reactions always amused him. He couldn't believe that the first name that popped into his head at the nightclub was Fern, but her response egged him on. Now he just uses it to show her he cares for her. The teasing they exchanged to try to hide their true feelings they had for each other. Her ability to handle any gun or vehicle she encountered just impressed him. Seeing her run onto the Van in the warehouse wowed him in more ways than one. The way she gave herself up to the Russians to save him she showed complete trust in him that he would save her. Seeing her maneuver between laser beams he knew he shouldn't be thinking what he was thinking, she was smonkin' hot. At the end she showed complete trust in him again to get her out of that room alive. Hearing her talk about her experiences with Jack just made him realize how much he didn't want her to hurt. He couldn't believe Talbot had been about to kill her . . .

Deeks couldn't believe he let his mind wonder back to what caused her present problems in the first place. But there was only so much he could think about before his mind began to wonder back to blaming himself for everything that was going wrong with Kensi now. None of this would have happened if he had just followed Callen's suggestion and made Kensi wait for the paramedics after Talbot clobbered her. What ever was keeping Kensi couldn't be good.

"Mr. Deeks?"

"Yah, that's me."

I just found out that Ms. Bly had surgery again and will be brought up shortly. I'll let you know when you can see her again."

To say that Deeks felt like he had been sucker punched was an understatement. He didn't' know what to say to the nurse. He physically felt sick. He was Kensi's partner, he should always have her back and he had let her down.

Wisely the nurse could see that Deeks was shocked by the news and left him alone.

As Kensi was wheeled past the reception desk, the nurse quickly went to inform Deeks that he could go visit Ms. Blye in a few minutes.

"Hetty, Deeks here. She had more surgery. No, I don't know what is wrong with her. I will see her in a few minutes. Are you going to tell the others? Ok. I'll talk to you later."

Deeks didn't know if it was possible but Kensi looked even worse than before. Where her skin had looked white before, now she looked even whiter. Her face was puffier and more bruised. The bandage on her head was bigger than before. There were more fresh bruises on her arms and face. The steady swish of the breathing apparatus, the steady beat of the heart monitor and the inflation and deflation of the pneumatic compression stockings were the only noise heard in the room.

Deeks pulled the chair forward to sit down closer to Kensi. He had seen enough movies and read enough magazine articles to know that unconscious people could often hear what you were saying to them. Even though he would feel like a fool in front of anyone else, he was willing to do anything to help her heal quicker.

At first all he could do was hold her hand. He didn't know where to start.

"Hey Kensi. Deeks here. I know, you must probably be thinking that you would like to be anywhere but here. I promise you I'll bust you out of here as fast as possible. Or I'm going to have to call you Fern."

Deeks continued talking to Kensi. Sometimes he had to laugh, other times he had to rub the moisture out of his eyes.

He was so engrossed in talking to Kensi that his first awareness someone else was in the room with him was when the nurse touched him on the shoulder.

"I don't want to disturb you but I'm Ms. Blye's nurse, Julie and I will be coming in every 15 minutes to do a neurological exam."

"Do you need me to leave?" 

"No. You aren't in the way there."

Deeks watched Julie check the tubes, machines and Kensi. He didn't even notice he was holding his breath until he saw Julie write in Kensi's medical binder.

"Can you tell me where Kensi was for the last five hours?"

Julie looked at the chart before answering Deeks.

"Soon after waking, Ms. Blye experienced aphasia. Dr. Walter wanted to take her to Radiology to find out what was the cause of it. Before they could get there Ms. Blye stopped breathing in the elevator. The bruises on her arms were probably caused by Tanya having to straddle her to get her to breathe again. The CT scan showed us that she needed immediate surgery. Thankfully the surgeon was able to relieve the pressure in her brain. It had been touch and go for a little while there, but hopefully she would have no lasting effects. She probably had to stay in the recovery room for a while to make sure she was stabilized."

"When do you think she will wake up?"

"She probably will wake up in the next twelve to sixteen hours if everything goes well. Go home and get some rest. You won't do any good for her if you are run down."

"I don't want to leave in case something happens again."

"Leave your number and someone will be sure to contact you. I need to go to my next patient. Till later."

Deeks really wanted to stay, but he was getting pretty ripe. He was sure Kensi would make a big deal about it. But he hated leaving her alone.

With a last glance at Kensi, Deeks went home. He would only allow himself two hours to sleep and then a quick bite and shower and then he would be back, even if Kensi wouldn't wake up for hours.

Deeks woke up with a start. His two hours had turned into four. He had been so exhausted that he had fallen asleep on his bed without even taking his shoes off. He contemplated going back to the hospital right away but even he couldn't stand his own smell. He was desperate to get to the hospital as soon as possible but he needed to eat and shower.

With a large coffee in his hand that he had stopped on the way for, Deeks entered Kensi's room. Kensi was unchanged, except for a new bandage on her head.

Deeks grabbed her hand again and talked to her about anything that came to mind. He told her about his adventures with the LAPD, his adventures in his childhood and his impressions of the team.

"Mr. Deeks, I didn't know that you cared so much for your team."

"Hetty, I didn't know you were behind me."

"I can tell Mr. Deeks. Go on. Don't let me stop you."

Sheepishly Deeks grew quiet. He wasn't sure how much Hetty had overheard but he was sure she wouldn't let anyone know.

"Hetty, how much did you hear?"

"Enough."

Hetty settled herself in the other chair and tried to make herself comfortable for a long wait. The others were still busy with the current case but Hetty had some time to visit Kensi.

Julie had entered the room multiple times while Deeks was sitting there. The next time she came in she introduced herself to Hetty.

"Ms. Blye should wake up soon."

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	15. Chapter 15

**CBS owns everything. I only own Dr. Walter, Tanya and Julie. Thank you for the story alert and review.**

Hetty wasn't concerned right now with Kensi. Yes, Kensi was critical and unconscious, but she would wake up eventually. It was no use getting all upset about it now; they would cross that bridge when they needed to later. But Deeks concerned her. She had brought him in as a liaison. She had been the one who had made him Kensi's partner. He was not inexperienced like Dom, whom Kensi had to mentor. He was her equal, capable of going undercover like Kensi. They had both been still raw from losing a partner in the line of duty. She knew how important it was for both of them to bond. Therefore, she had to accept the fact that Deeks would be out of commission until he knew that Kensi was out of the woods. Deeks, because of his personality, often found himself at the ridicule of the other team members. He was the perfect fall guy for the team because he could give as well as he got. She had happily noticed Deeks and Kensi getting closer. They really had a chemistry that allowed them to smoothly work together. Deeks had been her special recruit. After Dom died and Hetty had been ready to quit, Hetty had been convinced to stay because of her 'family'. She wanted to be there for Deeks like that.

All these thoughts were going through Hetty's mind as she observed Deeks talking to Kensi. She lowered herself into the chair beside Deeks and waited for him to talk to her first.

Hearing "Ms. Blye should wake up soon." brought hope and excitement it would happen soon.

"Are you done with the next case?"

"No, but I have some time, I thought I would spend some time with you Mr. Deeks."

"I appreciate that."

They sat together in contemplative silence. A silence that spoke volumes; just having Hetty there helped Deeks.

The whole time Deeks continued holding Kensi's hand.

The first time Kensi woke up she had a breathing cannula. She seemed to be doing better then. Now, because of her incident in the elevator, they weren't going to take any chances and kept the breathing tube in her mouth.

"If Ms. Bly wakes up, please let us know right away; don't let her move at all. I'll be off shift soon."

It took another hour before Kensi woke up. Hetty and Deeks were busy talking when Deeks noticed movement in his hand. He glanced up and saw Kensi's eyelids start to flutter. He immediately stood up and turned the overhead lights down more, while pressing the call button. This time when Kensi opened her eyes she seemed to recognize Deeks right away.

A goofy grin appeared on Deeks' face & Hetty couldn't help but smile too.

Tanya, summoned by the call button, came into the room with a cheerful mood as always.

"Good morning Ms. Blye. I've introduced myself to you before but you probably don't recognize me. My name is Tanya and I am one of your nurses."

Looking at Kensi's ever widening eyes as she tried to remove her breathing tube with her own hand, "We'll have to keep the breathing tube in you a while longer. We just want to make sure that you will keep breathing."

"Hetty and Mr. Deeks would you mind stepping out for a few minutes, I need to check her out."

"Not at all."

Hetty took this opportunity to call Eric, "Mr. Beale, could you please let the others know that Ms. Blye has woken up. Yes, she recognized Mr. Deeks this time. Is everything going well? Thank you Mr. Beale."

Deeks leaned against the wall and tried to will Kensi to be better so that he could talk to her.

Dr. Walter rushed past the two and entered Kensi's room and closed the curtain.

"What are you thinking Mr. Deeks?"

"I just hope she's on the way to recovery Hetty and that there are no new surprises. Wouldn't it be great if she would be fine?"

"We can only hope for the best Mr. Deeks, but head injuries take time to heal."

Having observed the Hospital's few minutes turn into hours, the two headed to the reception desk to let her know they would be in the waiting room again until they were called back.

Just like before a nervous energy could be felt in the room. What would this time be like? Deeks couldn't hide his anxiousness, while even Hetty's heartbeat was over 50 beats.

Just over half an hour later, a nurse summoned them, "I know you are excited to see Ms. Blye. She is awake but extremely confused and groggy and tired. She probably won't have a lot of energy."

Unbelievably, Kensi spoke to them, albeit in a whisper, "Hey".

"She is probably going to whisper for a while, until her throat has a chance to heal."

Startled Deeks looked up and noticed Tanya for the first time. She had been standing off the side and was writing in Kensi's medical binder.

Deeks was so relieved to hear Kensi. Maybe this time everything was going to go back to normal and she would be better soon.

The whole time Kensi had been unconscious Deeks really hadn't let himself feel much emotion. This time he couldn't keep the relief off his face and the tears out of the corner of his eyes.

"Hey yourself."

"Good day Ms. Blye. I need to get going but I am really glad you are awake."

Kensi turned up her lips in response to Hetty. She couldn't believe how exhausted she felt. A lot of the tubes were getting uncomfortable and her head seemed to be keeping tempo with the beat of the machines.

"I'll leave you two alone Mr. Deeks. Take care of her and yourself."

Deeks watched Hetty leave and turned back to Kensi.

**I am moving the story forward since the first drama is over and a new one might happen.**

This was it. They were going to try having Kensi sit in a chair.

The first few days had been a real strain on Kensi, Deeks and the nurses. It had been very important that Kensi didn't exert herself at all, but trying to keep her down had nearly been impossible. A head injury, dehydration, loss of respiration, two major operations were not enough to convince Kensi she should take it easy. But it was imperative that she do.

Many time Deeks had felt like shaking Kensi. Couldn't she see how she was hurting herself and him? He wished he could have taken her place.

Kensi, who usually hated showing her vulnerable side and tears to anyone in public, had to let herself be completely cared for.

Deeks was there to watch her breathing tube be removed. He was there when she had her first sips of water and he was there when she threw up and he was the one to wipe her face. He was there when they removed her NG tube. He had been there after they had removed the drainage tubes from her wound and tried to cheer her up about her hair. He had stepped out of the room to let the others have their turn visiting Kensi, but he was the one who saw the exhaustion after Kensi had put on a show for the others.

Slowly as all of the tubes and wires were removed and machines were turned off, most of the puffiness in Kensi's face disappeared. The large number of bruises covering her arms and face were going through the various stages of bruising, while others were completely gone.

Despite hating to be vulnerable, Kensi seemed to cling to Deeks' presence. She had wanted him to go with her to the CT scan. She wanted him there when the various specialists came to visit her. Deeks somehow always had to go somewhere when he thought something embarrassing would be done to Kensi.

In a few minutes the nurses were going to come in and help Kensi sit up in the chair. Hopefully it would go well. It was one step closer to getting Kensi discharged.

**Please Review.**


	16. Chapter 16

**CBS own everything. I only own the medical personnel.**

Hiding thoughts, hiding emotions and feelings, hiding dreams and wishes, if it was one thing Kensi was good at, it was hiding. Now, due to a little knock to the head, even that had been taken away from her. The last five days, the fiercely loyal, independent kick-ass, assertive to the extreme lone female of the team had been reduced to a weak, exhausted, dependent patient.

The constant headache that had made itself well known ever since Talbot had hit her was on the wane. The Kensi of old was making a comeback. It had been nice to be cared for, for once, but she couldn't afford to admit to anyone, especially Deeks. Somehow his personality demanded the constant exchanges she shared with him.

"I hope you don't think this changes anything Deeks. Yes, I owe you one, but somehow I think I'll have an opportunity to return the favour soon."

"Actually, you owe me big time. As I recall, I saved you from getting shot in the desert, I saved you when the when the Russians had you behind some laser beams, I saved you from getting shot by Talbot and I was the one who alerted the others so you would be found after our vacation time. So as I see it, you will be paying me back for a long time."

Deeks couldn't be sure, but Kensi's face just seemed to drain of all colour for a few moments.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Other than the fact my head is shaved, I'm weak, I can barely walk and I'm in the hospital, I'm feeling great."

Deeks guessed that Kensi was definitely on the mend. He probably just imagined something wrong.

Kensi was grateful to finally be in a private room. The endless revolving door of doctors, nurses and specialists, let alone the noise of the other patients in the ICU had driven her crazy. Thankfully the quarter hourly nurses' visits had turned into hourly and then a few times a shift visits. She just wanted to rest. At least now she could close the door and pretend everything was fine.

She had managed to convince Deeks to go home and get some rest. She was secretly pleased that when he came back he told her he wouldn't leave her alone until he was kicked out. He had brought a change of clothes, deodorant and tooth brush.

Deeks had been there for most of the poking and prodding she need to endure. He managed to help her get through the seemingly stupid questions the 'experts' liked to ask. He had been there when she tried her first fluids, her first solids and he had been there when she tried walking for the first time.

Kensi was realizing that she could really trust Deeks. He had covered for her when she had cried out of frustration and didn't think anyone would notice.

Since none of the major setbacks that could happen after a major head injury appeared, it looked like Kensi would be going home in the next few days.

At first Kensi had been too weak to care if Deeks was there when the medical personnel were around. As she got stronger, she became used to having him there most the time.

Deeks often enjoyed watching Kensi every time she was distracted by medical personnel. For all her bravado and ability to keep up with the guys, her movements were quite graceful. Deeks wouldn't dare stare at Kensi any other time, without getting called on it, but with her being distracted, it was fair game.

"Good morning Ms. Blye. How are you feeling today? Let me …"

As usual, Deeks tuned out Dr. Walter and spent his time deep in thought about Kensi. She was really starting to look like her normal self. The puffiness was mostly gone, the bruises were mostly gone and thankfully the bandages stayed white. Deeks couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to have Kensi be back to normal.

"What do you mean I can get pregnant again soon?" Deeks was brought out of his reverie by Kensi raising her voice. Oh boy, this wasn't going to end well.

"I'm sorry, I thought you knew. You were pregnant before, but you lost the baby. You really need to calm down."

"Get out!"

"Ms. Blye, I know your upset, but I really need to talk to you." Dr. Walter tried to calm Kensi down.

"Get out. Just get out."

Without thinking, Deeks thought he would try to calm Kensi down, "Come on Kensi, You really need to calm down."

"Both of you get out. Now!"

**Please Review.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you so much for reviewing and adding me to your story alert and favorites. **

**Major writer's block and life got in the way of continuing this story. I hope to write more soon.**

**CBS owns everything. I just own Dr. Walter**

Dr. Water didn't know if he should sedate Kensi or honor her wishes. It could cause a setback if she didn't calm down soon. He calculated the risks and decided the wisest thing to do was to leave her alone for the time being. Once again he wished he could take back his words. Talking to Kensi nonchalantly about her pregnancy had really set her off.

Deeks really wished he hadn't tuned out what Dr. Walter said to Kensi. He was really confused by her reaction though. He had seen her annoyed before and even angry, but never livid to the point of publically losing it. He felt like a deer caught in a headlight. He didn't' know which way to go. Only when he saw Dr. Walter leave the room, did he stir and follow him.

Even through the closed door they could hear Kensi yell at them. When her yells turned to sobs, Dr. Walter beckoned Deeks to come with him further down the hallway. "I obviously upset her telling her about the baby. I'm going to talk to the nurses and let them know they should check up on her in the next 15 minutes. Why don't you leave her alone for a bit and try in a few minutes to see her again." "I'll take this time to phone Hetty." "Okay, see you later."

Deeks couldn't wait for Dr. Walter to leave. It had been like any other day. Kensi seemed to be on the mend and now she could hurt herself. He really wished he or Hetty would have broken the news to her about the pregnancy. They both knew how Dr. Walter liked to blab things. He better phone Hetty for some advice.

"Hetty we have a problem. Dr. Walter told her about the pregnancy in his inconsiderate way. Yes, you were right. She didn't take it very well. What if she finds out that we knew? Okay, I'll tell her to talk to you. Thanks, bye."

Deeks turned back to Kensi's door. He tried to keep an ear on what was going on in her room. At first had heard her crying loudly and then there was silence. After a few minutes he heard a lot of banging. He wasn't sure if he should enter her room or not. Finally curiosity won out and he slowly opened the door.

"Whoa Kensi," Deeks said as he saw Kensi storming around the room trying to gather her stuff, "what do you think you are doing?" Deeks carefully approached Kensi. He had been witness to a few of her reactions before. Even in her weakened state she could do damage to him. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting out of here." Usually Kensi was very graceful in her movements, but together with the adrenaline flowing through her weakened body, nothing about her was remotely graceful about her right now.

Kensi was so busy trying to get her things out of the night stand that she didn't notice Deeks approach her until she felt his arms around her. She tried to fight him off, but he turned her towards his chest instead. All of a sudden a dam seemed to burst and Kensi collapsed against Deeks sobbing. All of her fight had gone out of her and her legs felt like jelly. The headache that had been on the wane was back full force. Thankfully Deeks was very strong and could support Kensi's weight. Where she had been storming around the room a few seconds ago, now she couldn't even stand.

Deeks looked at all of the items strewn across Kensi's bed. Some of the items would make a terrible racket if he threw them on the ground, but he needed to support her. The best thing to do, was to just hold her on his lap. Deeks rubbed Kensi's back as he told her, "its okay. We'll get you through this."

When a nurse came into the room to check on Kensi, she was unprepared for the state of the room. She saw all of the items Kensi had thrown onto the floor (all of the items Deeks had missed because he was concentrating on Kensi), the cluttered bed and Kensi quietly crying on Deeks' lap.

Deeks could see the nurse was about to say something, therefore he shook his head at her and indicated that she should give them some more time. He was handling it right now. The nurse nodded at him and left the room.

The next few minutes saw Kensi calm down. It seemed one minute she was crying and the next she was back under control. Before Deeks could say something to Kensi, she got up and tried to clean up her bed, "thanks Deeks, I got it from here."

Kensi couldn't wait to leave the hospital. Since her headache had started to wane and her strength was coming back she had been really getting annoyed by all the daily questions she had to go through. Today, Dr. Walter asked her routine questions she barely even paid attention to anymore. She was totally unprepared for the next words that came out of his mouth. "It looks like you will make a full recovery and should have no problem getting pregnant again." All blood seemed to drain from her face, while at the same time heat rose to her head. "What do you mean I can get pregnant again?" Kensi forcefully said to Dr. Walter. Out of her periphery vision she noticed Deeks' head whip around to look at her. A look of guilt covered his face.

The last straw came when Dr. Walter said to her, "I'm sorry, I thought you knew. You were pregnant before, but you lost the baby. You really need to calm down." And then Deeks wouldn't leave her alone. She had had enough. She just needed to get them both out of her room. It was a cruel way to tell someone they had lost a baby that they didn't even know they had. She couldn't even process the look of guilt on Deeks' face. It was a betrayal she didn't even want to deal with. Even though Deeks had seen her crying before, she just wanted to process the news of her pregnancy on her own and in her own way.

After Dr. Walter and Deeks left the room she spent a few minutes crying on the bed. She knew throwing things wouldn't make things better, but it sure felt good while she was doing so. She felt so angry, betrayed and violated. She had been willing to go along with what ever Dr. Walter had recommended because Hetty had always given her the look when had suggested leaving. And she really hadn't felt that strong. But now she was going to leave, no matter what Hetty are anyone else said. The pure adrenaline cursing through her body gave her the strength to get up and start gathering her things. She had no place to put them and no thought beyond getting her things together, so she put them on the bed. Nell had gotten her some of her own clothes so she would feel better. Hetty had put them away. Now she had to try and find them so she could get out of there. She was really having a problem with finding them all.

It really pissed her off when Deeks came back into the room and tried to stop her. After he put his arms around her and crushed her against her chest, all of her adrenaline driven strength left her. She again felt herself sobbing against Deeks. It must have been the head injury.

She barely registered the nurse entering the room, but was relieved that she left. She finally got her wits about her and got her emotions under control. She should never have lost it with Dr. Walter before.

Deeks was wondering if her head injury was more acute than they thought. Is that why one minute she was screaming for them to get out and now she was acting like nothing had happened?

"What's going on Kens?"

"I've told you, I've got it Deeks. I'd really like you to leave now."

"Sorry Kens, I can't do that."

"What do you mean, you can't do that?

"I gotta make sure you are alright. I've never seen you lose it like that. You probably have a killer headache again right now, judging by the look in your eyes. I'll help you clean up."

"Deeks I'm fine. And I am leaving as soon as I got my stuff together."

"Kensi, you're not fine and I am going to make sure that you stay until the doctor releases you. I don't want to see you hurt yourself more."

Kensi knew that there was no point trying to argue with Deeks now. Just make him think that she would stay and he would back off. Her head really was hurting her. She would rest and then leave when he wasn't looking. One way or the other, she was leaving today.

Kensi moved her things into a pile beside the bed. She just needed to lie down for a few minutes and then she would feel better. When Deeks tried to help her, she jerked her arm away from him and climbed onto the bed herself. Deeks made himself comfortable in the chair again, while an uncomfortable silence lay between them.

"Deeks."

"Yah."

"Did you know I was pregnant?"

Deeks squirmed in his chair for a few moments, "yah, I did."

"When did you find out?"

"When they had to ask permission for your first surgery, Dr. Walter told us."

"Us? He told you all!"

"Don't worry! He told Hetty and me, everyone else was gone."

"And you kept that from me?"

"Hetty thought it was best. We didn't want to upset you. You just had a head injury for crying out loud."

Deeks seemed to wait a long time for Kensi to respond to him. Instead She just lay there silently.

**Please Review.**


	18. Chapter 18

**CBS owes everything. **

**I am thankful for the story alerts I received and the favorite story alerts I received. Thank you.**

**This chapter took me a long time to write, because I wasn't sure how I would tell this story. It deals with rape. If this bothers you, please don't read. **

Kensi was amazed Deeks could be quiet for so long. She just needed to out-wait him, because someone needed to break the silence and it wasn't going to be her. Let him stew in his own juices of guilt. How could he have kept something so important from her? It was her body that had gone through hell, not his. Who did he think he was?

Deeks just wanted to erase the last hour, no, make that the last few months. He should have been the one who went with the Russians, and he should have told Kensi about his feelings regarding Talbot. But unfortunately in life, one doesn't get a redo. Instead one has to deal with what life hands one. Probably about now, Kensi hated him. Not that he blamed her.

"Kensi?" Deeks tentatively asked her.

"Yeah, Deeks." Kensi sighed.

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" Leave it to Deeks to be so blunt.

"Why didn't you tell me you knew I was pregnant?"

"I'm really sorry. You need to talk to Hetty. We didn't think that Dr. Walter would tell you."

"I'm supposed to think you were noble? Do you think I can trust you again?"

Deeks felt like crap. Couldn't she see how much he cared for her? "Kensi, none of it was a lie. I just listened to Hetty and kept the pregnancy info from you. Everything else was and is real."

"I don't know what to think right now."

"Trust me Kens, I'm here for you and I will continue to be here for you."

"I can't right now. Give me time."

"What do you need me to do?"

"Just keep silent."

"Whatever you need Kens." Deeks really hoped Kensi could forgive him.

How does one explain something one didn't even know happened? Shock, embarrassment, anger, sadness and other emotions were warring for attention. She knew exactly when she would have gotten pregnant. But she was not intending for anyone to find out. If Dr. Walter wouldn't have blabbed to Hetty and Deeks, no one would have been the wiser, not even her. One didn't survive in this business she was in for long, if she let anything interfere with the other's opinion of her. Of course they all knew she was a female, but they couldn't handle it when she let her female emotional side show. She had to act tough.

Deeks' leg started twitching. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and stood up to leave, "I think I'll go and get some coffee." Kensi just silently stared after him.

It was true, she had felt a maternal twinge on and off over the years, especially when Jack was in the picture, but usually only when she had extreme PMS. She couldn't believe she was sad, because if she would have known she was pregnant she would never have wanted to keep the child. Why did she feel like crying, and mourning for the loss of this child? She better get her emotions under control before Deeks or Hetty show up.

Kensi was so wrapped up in her thoughts she didn't hear Hetty come in. "Hello Ms. Blye." Hetty could tell that Kensi had been crying. Offering Kensi her handkerchief out of her left pocket, Kensi tried to quickly swipe her eyes, trying to remove all trace of tears.

Hetty was taken aback by the viciousness in Kensi's voice, "Why would you keep something so important from me? Why didn't you tell me I had been pregnant? You know I would be upset!"

"I'm sorry Ms Blye. I did what I thought was best for you at the time. You had just had a life-threatening brain injury, two major surgeries and you nearly died. We weren't sure if you were stable enough to discuss something so personal. I would prefer never talking to you about it. It was none of our business."

Kensi seemed exhausted when she told Hetty, "Hetty, I really need some time alone. Please give me some time."

Hetty patted Kensi's leg as she left the room. Kensi barely noticed, she was back to thinking about Hetty's words.

The adrenaline that had been coursing through Kensi's body completely left her. The memories she held at bay for so long came flooding back and she could no longer keep them from coming as one could keep the tide from coming in.

_Kensi had complete confidence in Deeks and the team's ability to find and retrieve her when the Russians took her. She could tell Deeks really wanted to take her spot, but she wasn't sure that he could handle it. She was used to dealing with terrorists and he wasn't. She knew when to keep her mouth shut, while he couldn't keep serious to save his life. She knew she would be safe because the Russians wanted the black book. "…Nice try Deeks. It's ok. You'll get me back."_

_After she got in the car with the three guys, she nicknamed Curly, Larry and Moe (Deeks would have been proud of her) Moe blindfolded and handcuffed her. Curly told her, "Don't worry, we jut want the little black book and nothing will happen to you.", while Larry kept his gun on trained on her the whole time. They took her someplace that had a lot of furniture and boxes, probably a warehouse. They forced her to walk in front of them and placed her in a chair. Larry talked on the phone, while the other two talked to each other in Russian. Sometimes they would interject themselves into Larry's conversation every so often. It really would have been helpful to have learned the Russian Callen kept on trying to teach her. She kept on trying to pay attention that would give her a clue of where she was. After Larry got off the phone, they moved away from her and quietly talk to each other. _

_Suddenly three boisterous Russian voices joined the three men. The three quiet voices became six angry voices. She tried her best to be invisible. It took her a few moments to realize there were only two voices left and she didn't recognize them. Their Russian conversation was filled with yelling, ribbing and laughter._

_Her bladder that had been niggling her before made its presence known. There was no way that she could avoid asking them to take her to the bathroom. "Excuse me, I really need to go to the bathroom. Could you please take me?"_

_The one Russian said something to the other and laughed before replying in heavily accented English, "Ok, I'll take you."_

"_Do you think you could take off my blindfold and handcuffs so I can go to the bathroom?" Kensi said with a laugh._

"_I don't think so!"_

"_Well could you at least take off my handcuffs?"_

"_Sure, but don't try anything funny."_

"_Thanks."_

_They grabbed her arm and pulled her up and removed her handcuffs. Since she kept on stumbling over boxes that were jutting into the path she was being taken on, she held out her hands to keep from falling. She noticed that the two Russians kept on talking to each other and every time the one closest to her would answer, he turned away from her. The Russian farthest away from her finished his sentence and the Russian started answering him and turned away from her again. Kensi took this opportunity to grab onto some boxes and throw them into the path behind her. She grabbed her blindfold off with the one hand, while she grabbed more boxes. It took a few moments for eyes to adjust but she kept on running forward. The guys stumbled over the boxes and were tripping over each other. She reached the door under the exit sign expecting to escape the warehouse, except she entered a long hallway with doors every few feet. She ran down a hallway trying to find a way out. She was busy trying each doorknob, while her hands were shaking. The smaller of the guys, definitely the faster one, caught her shoulder. She brought her leg up to kick the first guy and hit him in the balls. But she couldn't escape the second guy who dragged her back to the warehouse. She fought with all of her might, but he was too strong. _

_Her body was smashed against a wall and her upper body was pinned with the guy's shoulder. She squirmed and twisted trying to get away, as he brought his hand around her front, unbuckled her jeans and pulled them down to her knees. Kensi pushed with all her might and managed to push herself off the wall. But her reprieve was short lived, because she was grabbed from behind and pushed onto a desk covered with office supplies. The other guy grabbed her arms and held her down. Cold fear wrapped around her heart when she heard the guy behind her unbuckles his jeans. They took their turns raping her from behind. _

_When it was mercifully over, one of the guys told Kensi, "Put on your pants, I'll take you to the bathroom now, but you better not do anything, or something worse will happen."_

_This time, Kensi was desperate to reach the bathroom. She really needed to go pee and just wanted to clean herself up. She splashed cold water over her face. The guys who raped would never know how she was affected and the guys she worked with could never know this happened. _

_By the time Curly, Larry and Moe and the other guy came back, Kensi was handcuffed and blindfolded once again._

"_Get to your feet; we're going to take you for a ride." One of the men helped Kensi to her feet and forced her to walk in front of him. The other men followed behind. Curly, Larry and Moe got into the car with Kensi. The other three men went into their own car and drove off._

_Kensi could hear the traffic but had no idea where they were taking her. "Walk!" They forced her to get out of the car and walk between them up some stairs. Kensi stumbled at the top of the stairs, but didn't fall, because the two men held on to her._

_Kensi could tell they were going into a building, but she had no idea where they were. "Stop!" Kensi was turned around so that her hands were touching a wall. Her blindfold and handcuffs were removed. A gun was trained on her. It took her a few seconds to adjust to the light and then she could see the three men were walking backwards, still keeping their guns trained on her._

"_Before you think of escaping, know that we have rigged up the room with laser beams. You need to stand still, because if you dare to move, you will blow up." There was nothing left for Kensi to do but stand still until help came or she blew up._

_Kensi was thankful Deeks came to save her, but she was especially thankful for the explosion, because it would explain any of the bruises she had._

Kensi just didn't know what to do. There was no way she could ever tell Deeks or the others what happened, but she had to tell them something.

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	19. Chapter 19

**I'm sorry for taking so long to write. Thank you for all the people who followed and made this one of their favorites while they waited. **

Kensi made up her mind. There would be no way that the others would ever discover the truth. She didn't need or want their pity. Nor did she want them to think that she wasn't able to handle herself. She didn't even want to think of the countless others who found themselves in the same predicament. It was a hazard made worst usually for women.

With both Hetty and Deeks gone, Kensi saw her opportunity to leave the hospital. This time she wouldn't bother with anything but her clothes. She wouldn't stay in the hospital a minute longer than she needed to. She would down some painkillers when she got home she promised herself. She better leave right now or they would stop her. Having been in the hospital before for a job, Kensi knew what the cameras could see. And anticipating leaving the hospital gave her energy.

Quickly changing into her clothes and making sure she looked presentable, Kensi left her room. Thankfully the hallway was deserted and she managed to leave the ward without encountering anybody. Waiting for the elevator was taking too long, so the stairs were her only means of escape. Her legs felt like jelly walking down the last few floors, but she wasn't going to let that stop her for she was done with the hospital for good.

Before she opened the doors to the main floor, she squared her shoulders, opened the door and joined the people walking out of the hospital. She made it to the bench in the hospital park before her legs couldn't carry her anymore. She sat down beside the elderly couple feeding birds. She was so thankful to have the hot sun shining down on her shoulders and warming her cold bones.

She contemplated what her options were: she could go home and have the team discover her or she could find one of her stashes she had around the town and try to disappear for a few days, until she could decide what to do.

The elderly woman tried to start a conversation with Kensi, but she wasn't in the mood. The few minutes she had resting on the bench was enough to give her a little bit more energy. She politely wished the couple a nice day and left them behind.

She made her way to a dive of a coffee shop, no respectable person would go to. She had to stay under the radar as much as possible or her team would find her. She needed the time alone to heal physically and emotionally and she wasn't getting it at the hospital. And the team would insist that she go back there. They hated the hospital as much as she did, maybe even more so.

She avoided the cameras as best she could. The coffee shop was down an alley without any cameras. Usually she felt safe enough, but that was when she was at her best and had kicked some butt. Now, she couldn't fight a kitten. Thankfully she had lost some weight, so she wouldn't seem so attractive. She had to get to the coffee shop. She had hidden a key and money behind a loose brick in the bathroom.

Amazingly she made it to the coffee shop without anyone stopping her. She felt safe once she was in the shop. The proprietor gave her a slight nod. He had once been helped by Kensi. He had promised her to leave her alone when she came in the shop but he vowed to himself to keep an eye on her. So far he had kept up his bargain. Even to the point of throwing out some regulars who decided Kensi was too attractive.

Kensi retrieved her key and money and ordered a coffee to go. She couldn't believe how long it had been since she last had coffee. Again she nodded to the proprietor and left the coffee shop.

With pure luck she found a taxi that came from another city. It would take the team a long time to figure out which taxi company she had used. She asked him to take her other side of the city. Hopefully it would give her enough space to find a small motel she could hole up in a for a few days and recuperate some more.

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	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you for the reviews. I am still waiting for my life to slow down, but it hasn't yet. My child has started competitive sports. CBS owns the characters.**

Not finding Deeks in the waiting room, Hetty made her way towards the cafeteria. She needed to have a talk with him. If she was feeling shaken by Kensi's reaction, she could only imagine what Deeks was feeling and thinking. Usually she was so right in her actions, but this time she had goofed. This couldn't go on much longer. Kensi was getting physically better, but this emotional roller coaster was going to make her weaker. She needed to prepare Deeks for it.

Hetty wasn't surprised when she found Deeks bent over with his hands on his knees, as if he couldn't catch his breath. He must have his eyes closed if he didn't recognize her shoes. She put her hand on his back. He jerked up with a startled look. Looking into Hetty's eyes he showed a vulnerability rarely seen, before his defenses went up again. "Let us go get some coffee Mr. Deeks. I 'm sure you are in need of some reinforcements."

With his hands in his pockets, Deeks looked like a little school boy, " I guess the cafeteria's coffee is better than what Sam or G make." "I wouldn't know Mr. Deeks. I never touch that stuff."

Hetty found a seat in the back, where it was less crowded while Deeks get himself a coffee. Deeks right leg bounced nervously up and down and his hands shook slightly as he tried to pour the sugar and creamer into his coffee. I was amazing he couldn't even do a simple job like that.

Putting her hand on Deeks' arm, "Mr. Deeks I know you are troubled by Kensi's situation. This time we goofed but with time Kensi will forgive us and get on with her life."

As they talked some more, Deeks' leg calmed and his hands stopped shaking. He knew if he calmed Kensi down and she realized they did it with the best of intentions, then everything would be okay. Right!?

Hetty left Deeks contemplating her words. He didn't even realize she was gone. But regardless if she was there or not, he needed to eat crow and hopefully Kensi would forgive him right away.

As he slowely opened the door, "I'm so sorry Kensi…" Deeks stopped when he realized Kensi's bed was empty. "Hey, Kens, can you come out here?" Deeks called out to the bathroom. With still no answer, Deeks knocked on the bathroom door. "Kens, would you please talk to me? I know you are mad, but I need for you to talk to me." But his sonly answer was silence. Cautiously he opened the door, but it was as empty as the rest of the room.

Just when he needed to ask someone where Kensi was it seemed all of the nurses were busy. Finally, he caught a nurse rushing by, "Excuse me, could you please tell me where Kinsi is?" "I'm sorry, who?" "The tall brunette down the hall, crap, I can't remember her room number." "Oh, she went for some tests. She will be back in a few hours. You can either wait in her room or come back later." Deeks chose to go back to Ops.

He hadn't been back there since Kensi had been found sick. The guys welcomed him back with a nod. "Hi guys, I only have an hour. Do you want to do something to welcome Kensi back? I can see you smiling. Why are you smiling? You think because we have a thing?" "Just leave it with us. G and I will think of something to help Kensi feel better"

Deeks worked on some paperwork but had problems concentrating. He gave up in exasperation. "That was an exercise in futility." "Deeks, do you want to go to the gym?" After throwing the ball around for an hour, Deeks was physically exhausted but emotionally ready to face Kensi. "Ew, I stink. I better shower before Kensi kicks me out of her room."

Deeks confidently entered Kensi's room with a lighter step and readiness to grovel. But the room was empty like before. Rushing over to the nurses' station, Deeks was so thankful there were nurses around. "Can you please tell me when Kensi will back from her tests?" "What do you mean? Kensi is supposed to be in her room. She never had any tests?" "But her room is empty." "I'm sorry for the confusion. I'll ask around." Deeks couldn't believe they were acting like nothing was wrong.

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